How to turn an estate plan into a legacy plan that keeps your family united.
A follow-up to HORAN Wealth's Private Wealth Educational Event: Beyond the Balance Sheet: Building Family Trust, Purpose, and Prosperity
At our latest invitation-only gathering, we explored a reality many families feel but rarely say out loud: the great wealth transfer is well underway, yet many families and business owners haven't formalized a clear shared plan—and heirs often lack visibility. That gap doesn't just create paperwork problems. It creates problems for your loved ones.
Our keynote speaker, family governance expert Tom Rogerson, gave insight and advice from his experience to what's underneath it all and what you can do to build family unity and purpose, as well as wealth.
The Hidden Shift Wealth Creates
Most families of wealth today are first-generation wealth, nearly 80%. Northwestern Mutual, November 4, 2025.
Many of those wealth creators grew up in blue-collar, working class, or middle-class households where interdependence wasn't a lifestyle choice–it was necessity. Everyone contributed. Decisions were made together. Children learned financial tradeoffs by watching their parents and participating in discussions.
Yet, in achieving financial success, those same families often raise their children in a culture of independence. Separate bedrooms. Having their own cars. Opportunities are individualized. The habits of interdependence are rarely created.
Interdependence Versus Independence
"Families are interdependent by necessity," Rogerson says. "But when wealth removes that necessity, you have to be intentional about building connection back in."
This overlooked shift is at the heart of why traditional estate planning can fall short. Documents can transfer assets, but without restoring interdependence, wealth can accelerate separation.
Legacy planning, Rogerson argues, is about rebuilding the structures that keep families close, connected, and capable of stewarding prosperity.
That's the "why" behind the questions we heard throughout the evening.
Preparing Children for Money, Not Just Inheriting It
In many affluent households, parents avoid talking about wealth for fear of creating entitlement. The silence can be more harmful than the disclosure.
"In lower net worth families, 14-year-olds often know how to buy a car, because they watched the whole process before their eyes," Tom observes. "In higher net worth families, the Range Rover just shows up. The kids never learn how decisions are made."
Preparing children isn't about spreadsheets or statements. It's about involving them in decisions and giving them practice.
A family meeting about whether to fund a trip, support a cause, or buy a car teaches tradeoffs, priorities, and consequences.
"Most people feel they've prepared their money for their children," Rogerson explains, "but not their children for the money."
The gap widens over time. Without intentional preparation, heirs may inherit wealth without the judgment to use it well—leading to conflict, waste, or disconnection.
The Five Questions Families Kept Coming Back To
The Q&A was candid, practical, and—honestly—relieving for many in the room. Here are five questions that surfaced repeatedly:
- Are parents the best primary messengers for discussing family finances, or does that role belong with someone else?
- What is "fair" versus "equal"—and how do you decide without creating long-term resentment?
- When do you start family meetings... and what do you do if you've been delaying the conversation for years?
- How involved should spouses and in-laws be, and what should they know (and not know)?
- What ages are appropriate to bring children and grandchildren into meaningful family discussions?
The rest of this article provides Tom's expert perspective and provides important guidance to these and other questions.
Governance: Redefining How Families Decide Together
The word governance can sound heavy—like something out of a corporate handbook. Tom reframes it simply: governance is how a group of people makes decisions together.
"In most families, we don't talk about decision-making structures. We just argue it out. That leaves bent noses and hurt feelings that last for years," he says.
In interdependent households, decision-making was a daily exercise. In independent households, children rarely see adults negotiate choices. That lack of practice shows up later—when wealth introduces more consequential decisions.
Good governance doesn't have to be complicated. It often starts with rhythm:
- A regular family meeting cadence
- Clear roles (who leads, who captures decisions, who follows up)
- A repeatable way to make decisions so fewer issues turn personal
Done well, governance doesn't just protect assets. It builds confidence—confidence in the family.
The Family Bank: Building Entrepreneurship and Accountability
One of Tom's most provocative points landed because it names a pattern many first-generation wealth creators recognize.
"Most wealthy families don't know it, but they've created an entrepreneurial kill zone for their kids," Tom cautions.
Why? Because when wealth removes friction, it can also remove learning moments—especially around risk, responsibility, and resilience.
A family bank is one tool families use to restore those learning moments. The concept is straightforward: a pool of capital that supports family-member ventures through a structured process, so the next generation gains practice making, owning, and learning from real decisions.
"A family bank creates a culture where family members are encouraged to borrow to start businesses—from lemonade stands to real ventures," Tom explains. "They learn how to be runners of businesses, not just employees."
Managing Conflict as Growth, Not Fracture
Conflict isn't a sign something is broken. In many cases, it's a sign something matters.
Tom's view is practical: conflict is inevitable. The question is whether it becomes a growth mechanism or a fracture point.
"Wouldn't it be better if I asked you how you came to that decision before I tried to convince you why mine was right?" he asks.
And the line that stuck with many attendees:
"Conflict is inevitable," Tom says. "Being a jerk is optional."
Families that thrive across generations aren't conflict-free. They're skillful. They build habits that protect dignity, reduce triangulation, and keep disagreements from turning into identity-level wounds.
Onboarding Spouses So the Circle Strengthens
The topic generated a lot of "yes... that" reactions.
"Too often, families leave spouses on the outside, hoping they'll just blend in," Tom explains. "But marriage is the biggest wealth transfer most families ever experience. If you don't onboard them intentionally, you risk alienating them—and the family member they love."
Onboarding isn't about control. It's about inclusion—setting expectations, building trust, and strengthening the family circle before stress tests arrive.
Defining Roles and Vision to Unify Generations
Money can fund almost anything. The harder work is deciding what it's for—and how the family wants to show up together.
Tom points families toward a simple, clarifying question:
"At the end of the day, after you've done this work of family governance, you can ask: is our estate plan funding our vision of the family 75 years from now?" he says. "If it is, then it's a legacy plan."
Vision makes the difference between documents that transfer assets and a legacy that endures.
From Estate Plan to Legacy Plan
Traditional estate planning often focuses on tax minimization, asset protection, and control.
Legacy planning adds the missing dimension: preparing people, not just protecting money.
That means:
- Preparing children to make wise financial decisions
- Building governance rhythms so families can decide together
- Creating a family bank to foster entrepreneurship and accountability
- Managing conflict as growth, not fracture
- Onboarding spouses so the circle strengthens
- Defining roles and vision to unify generations
- Exploring approaches such as a Family Advancement and Sustainability Trust (FAST), where appropriate and in coordination with a family's legal and tax advisors
Tom calls these the "7 Steps to Healthy Family Governance"—a framework refined over decades of work helping families restore interdependence, turning the wealth that can divide into a force that connects.
Two Next Steps
If this topic is on your mind, don't wait for a "perfect time." Email us at privatewealth@horanwealth.com and request:
- An invitation to our spring Private Wealth Educational Event
- A complimentary Family Wealth Consultation Center conversation to get clarity on the questions your family is facing right now. We'll help you clarify the issues, identify what matters most, and outline practical next steps—no pressure, no obligation.
At HORAN Wealth, we've spent four generations guiding families to live more abundantly and productively—now and for generations to come.
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